I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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