Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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