You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
