I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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