I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
