if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
