My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
