why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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