I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
