dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
