the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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