why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
