I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
