Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
