she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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