mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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