pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
