i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
