You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
