I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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