When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
