dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
