my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
