i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
