Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
