you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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