Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
