Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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