Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive