i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.