I'm so fucking centered right now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.