You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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