You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
