...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.