i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
