Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
