I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
