im about as happy as oj after his trial
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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