You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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