I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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