So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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