I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
