I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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