I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
