May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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