my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
