The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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