it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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