Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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