I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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