guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
