Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
