Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
