Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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