woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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