My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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