i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
