We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
