There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
