I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize