i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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