the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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