You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
