We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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