from now on my penis is your penis
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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