Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
