I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
