I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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